My Heart

So, I had a cardiologist appointment this morning. I never think anything of it until I walk into the office and I'm the youngest by at least 60 years. Everything was fine, just a pulled muscle in my chest. As damaged as my heart has been(physically), it pales in comparison to the damage of my real heart, my soul. My true heart is a complete wreck..its sinful, prideful, self-seeking, and yet the more I learn about my Saviour, the more that I realize, it's ok, thats the only way this whole Salvation thing is going to work! I read this in "Abba's Child" by Brennan Manning, and it is pretty much a description of my life thus far..
"And so, like runaway slaves, we either flee our own reality or manufacture a false self which is mostly admirable, mildly prepossessing, and superficially happy. We hide what we know or feel ourselves to be (which we assume to be unacceptable and unlovable) behind some kind of appearance which we hope will be more pleasing. We hide behind pretty faces which we put on for the benefit of our public. And in time we may even come to forget that we are hiding, and think that our assumed pretty face is what we really look like."(Simon Tugwell, The Beatitudes)
"The reason we never enter into the deepest reality of our relationship with God is that we so seldom acknowlege our utter nothingness before him."(Merton)
Yea..that would be me. I want to appear I have my act together, I'm a good person, I'm spiritual..but I don't, I'm not. Not even close. And that's the beautiful thing...Jesus can take that and run with it. I am nothing, yet that makes me something in Christ.

SweetPeace

SweetPeace...the reason this became the name was because their is a bottle of sweet pea lotion from Bath&BodyWorks that is sitting right in front of me and I couldn't think of anything else. That had already been used, so I played with it a little and got it to work. And then I realized that by playing around with it, it brought it to a whole new level. Sweet[agreeable;pleasing to a sense;wholsesome] Peace[state of calm and quiet;state of concord]. Pleasing calmness. Wholesome quietness. That would pretty much sum up my hopes... in life, in God, in my soul. I yearn for a sweetpeace and I have faith I will find it someday..maybe in pieces, a little bit at a time, or maybe all at once, just wake up oneday to find my soul calmly pleased. I know I can't hurry it up, there is One in control of distributing that quiet wholesome wholeness...and it involves my willingness to wait it out, because only when His timing is right will He let me truly indulge in just how Sweet that peace will be...